Have you ever had a moment of scary honesty where you unleash all of the anger, frustration, and grief you were feeling? Have you ever experienced the relief from shouting out all of your truths that you’d kept locked away? Have you ever not been sorry for letting it rip and finally getting everything off of your chest?
The topic of anger came up during a client session, and it reminded me of another client of mine who shared with me once how much better she felt after screaming her truth at a loved one.
I don’t believe her heart was to be unhealthy or to be abusive or toxic.
Expressing what is alive in us in the moment is healthy. That’s the feminine essence.
But when it’s days or weeks (or more!) of back log, that’s toxic.
And shouting in anger— anger and frustration that has built up for a week, that’s abusive.
Our nervous system receives that as verbal abuse. It just does.
There is a difference in expressing our truth and being honest (which is our goal) and suppressing to the point of exploding.
The explosion is toxic, it’s abusive to those around us, and it’s not a healthy way to get our needs met.
Did she get her need “to be heard” met? Yes. But do we really want to bully people with the torrent of our fermented emotions in an effort to get what we want?
Her nervous system is going to feel the deflation, she may feel “lighter” because she just discharged a ton of emotion and energy that has been suppressed.
This is natural to feel “better” even though the release was toxic and unhealthy.
It’s not a good idea to train ourselves to suppress until we burst, in the name of moving stagnant energy and meeting needs.
This isn’t healthy expression and we never have the right to unload on someone like that.
Healthy feminine expression moves from moment to moment, in response to life.
When she feels anger, to express in that moment while staying open to love, offering her anger as an invitation.
When she feels pain, to offer that as an invitation to love and let it move through us BEFORE It stagnates and turns into anger, frustration and resentment.
By the time our pain has morphed into anger, it’s becoming toxic and we’ve missed the magical moment where we can offer it as love. Now it must be transmuted.
There is a difference between wrath or anger because someone violated us, our boundaries, or endangered our children…and anger that is PAIN that wasn’t allowed to flow through the body as an expression of love.
Does that make sense?
Weaponzing our emotions is abusive to others and also damages our own nervous system even though we may experience relief after we discharge.
It gets rid of tension, but it’s unconscious, and has the potential to cause harm.