One of the first steps to reclaiming our sexuality as our own is through reclaiming the body as our own. I was estranged from my body for most of my life in ways Ididn't recognize as estrangement. For example, I thought my vulva looked weird and kind of gross for much of my life. I was so used to receiving messages around modesty and purity that anything erotic was bad or sinful, and would lead to somehow giving myself over to "vanity," or a "Jezebel spirit." I didn't necessarily actively think these things, but whenever I would try to tap into any sensuality or sexuality, feelings of intense resistance would arise within me.
I began to practice being more "sexy" soon after I was married in an attempt to loosen up and become more "sexified" as I playfully put it. I would parade around my house in high heels, grasping the walls to not fall over, in an effort to become a more sexual woman.
I successfully became very comfortable with limited expressions of "sexy" within a very sterotypical definition of the term, but I still lacked a basic sense of true ownership of my body. I didn't realize how disconnected I was. I thought that because I had become more bold in the bedroom than most women I knew, because I could give my husband lap dances and strip teases, it must mean I was more embodied and was more deeply connected to my power than most women I knew. Reality could not have been farther from the truth. And it showed up again, and again, as I would compromise on what I was feeling was true for me, as I would neglect my needs or desires, or as Iwould say, "yes" when my truth was, "no." Since I was still living from a place of disconnection from my Wombspace, I was unable to stand fully in my power.
Reclaiming our sexuality isn't just about how to give a killer strip tease, or how to play out a performance of "sexy" by the world's standards. I don't want you to be sexual from a place of disconnect, and I don't want to teach you to mimic a flavor of sexuality that is not your own; every woman has her own unique flavor of sexuality.
Hooking you into society's standard of "sexy" is essentially teaching you to continue to outsource your power in the name of reclamation and sexual freedom.
In my efforts to reclaim my sexual power, I was actually outsourcing it to someone else's standard and definition of sexy. I believe this was primarily because of a lack of relationship, connection, and devotion to my sexuality and Wombspace.
Many things can attribute to this disconnect in women. Negative emotions or connotations around sexuality or being a woman...growing up in a sexually oppressive family, culture or religion...perceived or real abandonment...physical, or sexual trauma...numerous things.
"Yoni" is the Sanskrit name for female genitals. It also means sacred space. If you were raised as I was, you were not taught that your sexuality or your genitals were sacred.
Cultivating the sacred in your Wombspace restores the union between your feminine spirit, sexuality, and body.
Many psychological traumas are stored in the body and a large percentage in the Wombspace, specifically the pelvic floor, cervix, and vaginal walls. We are not just talking about sexual trauma. The Wombspace, as one of the most alchemical aspects of our being, naturally stores emotional and energetic imprints we pick up in our lives.
These traumas and energetic imprints are stored as resistance and patterns of tension. These long-held patterns of tension are called “vaginal armoring”.
Armoring can be defined as chronic patterns of involuntary tension in the body that dampen or block emotional expression, alter perception of both the outer and the inner psychological world, diminish or eliminate kinesthetic awareness and other sensations, and resist range of motion and movement (Greene and Goodrich-Dunn).
We can release these held patterns through a practice called Vaginal De-Armoring. Vaginal De-Armoring is a practice that combines gentle but firm touch (much like acupressure) and engaging the muscles of the pelvic floor. When you de-armor your vagina, you engage the muscles of the pelvic floor and bring awareness to your yoni. Your brain starts to create new neuron pathways that correlate with your wombspace, yoni, and clitoris. New nerve endings form directly in the tissue. This means more lubrication more easily, and increased sensitivity.
You may think that this is bad news for those who experience painful sex, but it is actually helpful. More sensitivity will help relax your yoni. It will communicate to your subconscious that "turn-on" or arousal is happening. Increased sensitivity leads to LESS pain, and not more.
A soft yoni will signal the brain to produce more dopamine. The more dopamine you produce, the more dopamine receptors you create to receive the influx of dopamine. That's right. You have to RECEIVE your own dopamine, or it won't do you any good. This is the key to unlocking lasting pleasure; receivership.
I want to share a couple of simple practices with you, to help support you on your sexual reclamation journey. The first is a vaginal de-armoring practice and the second is a sensual pleasure feast!
Vaginal De-Armoring Practice
Vaginal de-armoring has the power to help you heal old wounds and awaken the life and pleasure you truly desire. If you notice stirring emotions during this practice, remember to be gentle with yourself. Go slow. Consider taking a break to journal, rest, or spend time re-grounding in nature. Your Yoni and Wombspace are amazing, magical places capable of bestowing new life, creating new ideas and visions, and providing you with amazing erotic experiences. By connecting to your Yoni and your Wombspace, you can start accessing your feminine power, and your creative and orgasmic potential. Before you begin, gather together everything you will need and create a sacred space for yourself. You may need:
Intimate Lubricating Oil
Glass of warm water to gently warm your intimate oil
Candles, Incense, or Essential Oil Diffuser and Oils
Sage Bundle or Palo Santo
Journal and Ink Pen
Something to drink, (w